>> > > Boy : Yes Dear
>> > > Girl : Would you die for me ?
>> > > Boy : No, mine is undying love
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Man : How old is your father ?
>> > > Boy : As old as me
>> > > Man : How can that be ?
>> > > Boy : He became a father only when I was born
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and
>> > > frog’s leg.
>> > > Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the
>> > > menu card.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Teacher: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is
>> > > exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
>> > > Desmond: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
>> > > anything!
>> > >
>> > > Son : That’s why I say she’s no good!
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Manager : Sorry,but I can’t give u a job. I don’t
>> > > need much help.
>> > > Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact I’m just
>> > > the right person in this
>> > > case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > > Dad : “Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go
>> > > and say sorry to her.”
>> > >
>> > > Son : (goes over to the aunt) “Aunt, I am sorry
>> > > you are stupid.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Teacher: “Spell ‘WATER’,”
>> > > Girl : “HIJKLMNO.”
>> > > Teacher: “That doesn’t spell ‘WATER’,”
>> > > Girl : “Yes, it does it’s all the letters from ‘H
>> > > to O’.”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Teacher: “How do u think Shakespeare wrote such
>> > > master pieces?”
>> > > College student: “With a pencil, maam, either a 2B
>> > > or not 2B.”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > “Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
>> > > brothers or sisters who
>> > > will be coming to school.”
>> > > “That’s nice of her to take such an interest. What
>> > > did she say when u told her u are the only child?”
>> > > “She just said, ‘Thank goodness!’”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————
>> > >
>> > > Teacher: “Where were u born?”
>> > > Student: “Singapore, Sir.”
>> > > Teacher: “Which part?”
>> > > Student: “All of me, Sir.”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Teacher: “Chong, u missed school last Friday.”
>> > > Chong : “You’re wrong, Sir.”
>> > > Teacher: “Wrong, how is that?”
>> > > Chong : “I was absent, yes but I certainly didn’t
>> > > miss it!”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > > A teacher was asking her class: “What is the
>> > > difference between
>> > > ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?”
>> > > Only one hand shot up. “Ok, answer, Joan,” said
>> > > the teacher.
>> > > “’unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t
>> > > allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Bad News and very bad news
>> > > Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad
>> > > news.
>> > > Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news
>> > > first.
>> > > Doctor : The lab called with your test results.
>> > > They said you have 24 hours to live.
>> > > Patient : 24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could
>> > > be worse? What’s the very bad news?
>> > > Doctor : I’ve been trying to reach you since
>> > > yesterday.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Good news and bad news
>> > > Patient : I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?
>> > > Doctor : You’ve had an accident involving a train.
>> > > Patient : What happened?
>> > > Doctor : Well, I’ve got some good news and some
>> > > bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
>> > > Patient : Well… The bad news first …
>> > > Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we
>> > > had to amputate both of them.
>> > > Patient : That’s terrible! What’s the good news?
>> > > Doctor : There’s a guy in the next ward who made a
>> > > very good offer on your slippers.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
>> > > Dentist : -90.00.
>> > > Patient : -90.00 for just a few minutes work???
>> > > Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you
>> > > like.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > Teacher : “How come you do not comb your hair?”
>> > > Ah Kow : “No comb, Sir.”
>> > > Teacher : “Use your dad’s then.”
>> > > Ah Kow : “No hair, Sir.”
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ———————————————————————-
>> > >
>> > > A boy come home from school with his exam results.
>> > > “What did u get?” asked his father.
>> > > “My marks are under water,” said the boy. “What do
>> > > u mean ‘under water’?”
>> > > “They are all below ‘C’(sea) level”
———————————— from my mail
